The truth. Tell them the truth and then let them watch your life. I believe a major mistake in this situation is parents coming to this new (amazing & life changing ) conclusion and wanting their kids to immediately join them on this spiritual journey after years of living wildly the opposite. What you’re going to get, in most cases, is some instant resistance, resentment and rebellion. This is like saying “hey kids, everything that’s been normal about your life up to this point has been WRONG! Change with me- thanks!” Nope! Just because Jesus has knocked your socks off and you’ve let Him in doesn’t mean your kids vicariously take on that experience. Remember this is not introducing them to a new religion - that’s just memorizing new facts- you’re introducing them to a new PERSON as this is about relationship and relationships must be formed over time and with trust. Jesus is a gentleman so it’s your job to present Him that way and allow your family to join you on this journey of faith when they’re ready.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”Proverbs 22:6 NIV
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.” Proverbs 23:13-14 NIV
Keywords here are: “children” and “child”. Notice God is pretty clear- that Godly rearing work needs to have started when they were young and malleable. So by adolescence and teen years, those healthy Kingdom qualities should be well embedded. If you’re getting a later start, there’s the beautiful grace of God to assist, but just remember - now you’re not dealing with a malleable little child where training is more ideal, it’s at a later point where some habits have taken strong roots.
Appropriately, the next question is — “before Jesus I was fine with how they dressed, talked, what they listened to etc. but now I feel completely differently. How can I set new boundaries?” Beautiful question. Answer: SLOWLY but clearly. Remember the scriptures above. Imagine (and perhaps this is the case for you) you’re a single parent that’s started to date (and we assume this is at the Lord's release and this partner is an EQUALLY Yolked man/woman of GOD!) I’d like to think you’d very very slowly introduce them to your kids, you’d give them room to ask questions and express their feelings (and listen!) you’d allow them to warm up to this person at their readiness. Fast forward - you’re now marrying this person and they’re joining your home. Now these kids have had several years of living with just you, your way, and they’re used to it. Here comes this new individual and they are being expected to shift their routines and norms around this addition. Would you run around the house and tear down their posters, throw out their favorite foods and dump their treasured items in the name of honoring this new partner ——and expect them to love you/them wholeheartedly for it?? OF COURSE NOT. They would be instantly hardened, resentful and count the seconds to move out. You’d ideally have a family meeting- or 2 or 10- and openly talk about the areas of discomfort, different opinions, and slowly invite them to share in this new connection as they feel ready. You’d allow them to observe your interactions, the shifts in the environment, always with welcome to participate and engage but never with forced obligation or threat.
Now, as a good parent- when you know better you do better. Make the changes that become necessary to enforce strictly based on your recognition that what you’ve allowed up to this point was truly damaging to them in the long run and show them why. You may have to ask them to forgive you for not being a good example, for not setting better boundaries before, and for not saying no when you should have. Then begin to slowly introduce a healthier reality- and the associated consequences for willfully disregarding these necessary, albeit new, expectations. Throughout all of this, you’ll need to stay on your face before the Lord. This will not be easy or quick— like anything wonderful and truly worth having. It will take time. God knows your individual kids’ temperaments and needs better than you and can give you a strategy that suits your children — which may not work in someone else’s house. The main takeaway is - be consistent in showing them why Jesus is worth having -and let Him begin to woo their hearts. God is really good at showing why He’s good at being God :) Just give Him the floor and honor your kids’ respective journey towards trusting Him for themselves.